Please come back

I noticed yesterday that suppressing emotion has a bodily sensation. It shows up in my sternum when something sad or frustrating happens. My chest muscles tighten, squeezing in a breath, and yet my throat feels open and wide. There's a straining sensation in the top of my throat: my body gently suggesting that I cry. And that makes sense--probably I learned this response long ago as a way to avoid crying. Yes, I say to crying, please come, I miss you and I want you back, but it never does.